The new down low

I am sick and I will die soon enough. Not of physical ailments but of the mind and spirits. I have been so depressed and the bipolar upside cycles are of much shorter periods now so much so that it's like a constant state of desolation. The notion to be grateful of what you have and of comparing yourself to people who have it much worse than you is useless when the sorrow you feel overwhelms everything else. When emotions take over, logic and reason, especially those that are needed to be stable and rooted, fly out of the window.

Well, with all due respect to the good things I have in life, I feel that I am entitled to be permanently morose due to multiple reasons.

My father thinks I am a heretic and I am going to hell.
My son and daughter thinks I am a convicted felon with no money. And that I am going to hell too. Little do they know, THIS IS HELL.
My friends think I am crazy and can't be helped.
Let's just not even go further. My ex wives? LOL. Now, that's a happy thought for a microsecond.

Well, that's just the outer layer of my life that surrounds me. I am single, above 40, living with parents with no stable job.

Damn. Before writing this, i felt like I had a million and one things to be sad about. Now I can only list around 7.  What is wrong with me.