Flow with the go

I was cringing at myself when I look back at how bad I was taking things. Life was hard, yes it always is but I was pushing things out too far in my mind. I was worrying about everything including and especially about the future. If I didn't achieve so and so, in the future I would be so and so. And it always seemed that my current dire situation would be amplified exponentially so much so that imagining the future alone brings a great deal of pain and fear.

Now, fearing the future is the central theme of anxiety (which, by the way is a mental condition that is allowed to be prescribed medical marijuana) and like loyal partner in a police television series, depression walked right by anxiety's side and they took turns beating me to pulp. I wake up feeling tired. Going to sleep was even more tiring. I hated everything, everyone sucks and nothing sparks joy.















I minimized interaction with other people. They were taking too much of my time and energy. I needed to spent time on me.I was spending time with and for myself, especially in my mind. This is not good for me.

For a professional overthinker like me to have ample access to my own thoughts without being distracted with work or family, it can lead to villainous ideas or worse, the implementation of those ideas.


Now, this constant wave of anxiety and depression is beating me down and I felt so insecure of myself at anything and everything,

And then this thought hit me why am I even fighting this? Why am I trying to deny what is happening? Was I crazily making worse case scenarios play repeatedly in my head then amplifying them to impossible levels to scare myself  of the future in the hopes that I would make a timely change to everything somewhere along the line.

I should instead enjoy these precious moments and live in the complete luxury of an idyllic and quiet life, where, in the history of mankind never brought death or suffering to no one but instead, bestowed them with peace of mind and tranquility. Most people never have enough time by themselves to really understand who they are and they go through life in a mistaken belief of what they really are. I was that and I realize that now.




I was wasting time trying to hold on to things that will eventually go anyway. I was trying to control everything and when I fail, which I should because I can't control them anyway, I beat myself up for that failure and this develops into a vicious cycle of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and misery. That's a whole lot of unnecessary stuff to get by and a waste of life.

Letting go isn't as hard as it might appear. Terrible things occur, beyond any doubt. However  I can't change the past, so why keep on reliving it? The way to move on from a difficult past is to confront what has occurred, acknowledge that I can't change it and to just proceed onward. When I'm ready to proceed onward  definitely new doors will open up, better opportunities will emerge and best of all, I'll have a superior story that pushes me ahead, rather than keeping me down. The story starts now.